The Driving Psychological Forces of Domestic Abuse

Commonalities of many Domestic Abusers include low self-esteem, the use of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse,and promises to change.
Personality Traits of the abuser/batterer
Although abusers may have some type of mental illness, the perpetrators of domestic violence are usually not sick or deranged. They actually are quite cunning, having learned manipulative techniques and behaviors that allow them to dominate and control others (abusively) in order to obtain the desired responses. Law enforcement officers commonly arrive on the scenes of domestic abuse crimes and find significant evidence of a violent incident, such as an injured victim and a home in disarray, yet the perpetrator is composed and speaks casually with the officers as if nothing occurred.

Abusers often experience dramatic mood swings of highs and lows, being loving one minute, and spiteful and cruel the next. Abusers are often characterized by those outside the home as generous, caring, and behave drastically differently in their home environment. Perpetrators of domestic violence are rarely violent to those outside of their domicile.

The abusers' use of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse intertwined with periods of remorse, love, and happiness are deliberate tools used to gain control over the victim. Batterers may violently assault, then moments later apologize for their actions. Many purchase gifts of flowers, candy, and other items in order to gain forgiveness. Abusers often promise that they will never harm their partners again. Their promises include obtaining professional help or counseling, but often these promises are never kept, and are only used as another "tool" to prevent the victims from leaving.

What drives abusers to abuse?
It is the abusers' own fears and insecurities that are the main reasons they abuse. Psychologists have identified some common characteristics of domestic violence abusers. Many of the perpetrators suffer from low self-esteem, and their sense of self and identity is tied to their partner.

Violence is often used by abusers to gain and maintain all the power and authority in the relationship. They will isolate their victims by forbidding the victim to maintain outside employment, friends, and family ties. By using isolation, the abusers leave victims with no support system, and create dependency upon the abusers, thus giving them more power and control. The perpetrators also limit a survivor's options by not allowing access to checking accounts, credit cards or other financial resources.

Abusers may constantly criticize, berate and humiliate their partners, causing the victims to feel worthless, ugly, stupid, and crazy, which lowers their self-esteem. In turn the victims' low self-esteem may contribute to their feeling that they deserve the abuse. It affects their ability to see themselves as worthy of better treatment.

It is when abusers feel they are losing the victim, through separation, divorce, or emotional detachment that they will react to the situation by abusing. If victims leave through any of these methods, abusers feel they are losing power, control, and their self-identity. They will often then resort to desperate measures to maintain control over the victim.

What should you do?
Anyone suffering from abuse or who knows of someone suffering at the hands of another should contact their local police, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at(800) 799-SAFE (7233), (800) 787-3224 (TTY).